This is not a happy blog today, this is not a 'oh isnt my daughter so cheeky'blog. this is a, I'm on my period, i'm tired, my daughter needs testing and Part time dad is a wanker type of blog.
Rasta mouse has gone awol with his 'easy crew' of other crappy dads and Summer is trying to test me. The pair of them wont rest until I am rocking in the corner eating my own ear wax.
I ask Summer for 5 mins peace while I sit in my room and gather my thoughts (these thoughts are mainly whether I should set fire to PT dads clothes or have the cat piss on them) Summer sensing the mood, leaves me be and watches cartoons downstairs.
5 mins turn into an hour of uninterrupted peace .. I don't hear her, I'm dreading to think what she is up to now. Do I go down now or wait until the fire alarm goes off? She makes that choice for me.
Enter Summer, just in knickers with a bottle of my baby pink nail polish all over her skin. She seems to have poured most of it into her belly button, painted both armpits and coloured in both nipples. I cant even talk. I go to the bathroom to run the bath for her, and start to take in the destruction that lays in wait for me. The loo has a toilet roll shoved down it and there is brown stuff on the seat, on the sink running down the wall to the living room. I follow the dirty protest and survey the damage as 3 bottles of nail varnish bleed into my oak wood floors, i release the cat from the kitchen draw, take her clothes of the light fitting, wipe yoghurt of the TV, turn the tap off, put the sofa round the right way and turn the microwave off.
The dog is licking the brown marks of the wall and a pot of Nutella on the floor calms down my fears of clearing up her poo twice in one week.
I just remember that I chucked the nail varnish remover out after I caught her sniffing it like a bag of glue last week. So Summer is going to have to be scrubbed to within an inch of her life.
I give up today! This weekend,this week has been hard, thank god for work tomorrow where I can mingle with the streesed free childless majority and pretend for 8hrs that I am care free just like them.
Im off to fill part times dads pockets and shoes with dirty cat litter.