Welcome to the fun

Welcome to the fun
Christmas Joy

Friday, 18 November 2011

Day 65 - Pull the Other One

So 2 days into my new job, and I get a call from the school. 
Oh here we go again....

Lets start at the very beginning shall we.....

On Sunday Summer went next door to our patient long suffering neighbours to play football. Before I had time to light a cigarette and pour a glass of wine - she was back at my front door. 
''I've cut my foot!'' she had said matter of factly ''can I have a plaster so I can go back next door?''
The cut was more of a slice - one of those ones that leaves a flap of skin over the wound. no real blood, looks worse than it is..... So I patched her up and off she went to play. 
That was the last I saw or heard of the cut.

Fast Forward Tuesday morning. The normal mad rush of getting her lazy arse out of bed and looking vaguely presentable for school, we rush around the house hurling abuse at each other then jump in the cab. With only 10 mins before my train pulls in we sprint down the drive way to the school and the she stops. 

I look back and wave her to hurry up, as she starts to move I have a feeling that trouble lies ahead. 
She is limping. Limping like Quasimodo, like an Afghan war veteran. 
''stop it stop limping, what are you playing at, hurry up'' 
she looks up and smiles, I can read that girl like a book. 
She resumes her normal stride as we make the last 100 yards to her classroom, where on seeing her teacher the limp resumes again. ''Stop it Summer..please don't do this'' She smiles her classic cheeky smile that says  ''I will and there is nothing you can do about it''

I am surprised they waited so long to call me really - a call at 12:30pm meant that Summer must have method acted all morning without success. 

''Hello mum, its Miss Stick you nose in your business and judge you from Summers school, we have Summer here'.....well done good start. No surprises.
''We have Summer here and she is in a lot of pain with her foot'' 
in the words of Essex I think ''Oh Shut Up!!!' 
''She can barely walk and we are quite concerned about the cut, Summer thinks its infected!'' ahh yes Summer my daughter who took her medical degree aged 5 - she is the next Dougie Howser.
''To be honest we are surprised you brought her in today, we understand you are in a new job but is there no one else you could have left her with?, it is not our responsibility to look after children who come into school sick''
I hate you woman. I hate you for being sooooooo stupid as to be the only person on earth that actually believes Summer. 
''She was fine when I left her'' I say realising what and awful cliché that is, classic response of an abuser.
There is no point fighting it - I am the mum who feeds her child soggy sandwiches, who allows her to watch sexy music videos, who sends her into school maimed. 
I have no fight in me too argue - I call my neighbour to see if she can get Summer and then call back to confirm that someone cares enough about Summer to pick her up. '' does she know her neighbour?'' you stupid moron woman. ''oh and also Summer has been sat here with me and she was telling us that she watched a scary movie with her cousin Natasha - she said she was very frightened. Is this true?'' no, no this is not true she hasn't seen her cousin for at least 6 months! Summer if your foot is hurting you so much why are you telling them about horror movies - stick the knife on deeper why dont you! 

Arrrrgggghhhhh shut up woman, shut up Summer - god if you want to go into care you are going the right way about it, and the way I am feeling I might just let you go. So there it is I am back at the top of the list for shitty mothers. 

I am mad very very mad 


Thursday, 10 November 2011

Day 62 - With Gritted Teeth ...

I have been waiting for nearly 6 years now to figure out if I am going to be lumbered with and almighty huge orthodontist bill come 2019.
When Summer was born - like all children, she was born toothless - apart from that recent freak birth where some Romanian kid was born with a full set of gnashes. When she was taken out of my womb and I looked at her for the first time - I thought this girls gums don't look right - she is going to have a gap tooth at the front - actually that was the second thing I thought, the first was ''why is this kids face hairy'' - Jesus with those 2 defining features you wonder why the bonding period was strained.
Everyone told me not to be silly - how could I tell by looking at her gums that she was going to have a gap tooth. To me it was obvious, she had this ridge that came deep down in the centre and it was about a cm wide! no tooth was going to get through that - plus part time dad had a gap tooth - which he then went on to cover up with a really bad set of platinum teeth - which when done in a back street down the Old Kent Road by an Iranian refugee turned out a brassy silver - in short he has the mouth of Jaws from the James Bond Films on a good day.
When Summers teeth began to come through - my fears where confirmed. Before me was one almighty gap, please do not underestimate me when I talk about this gap, tis not a slither, tis not a crack in the door. Someone has taken the door off the hinges here!! No word of a lie this gap is a whole big tooth wide. Which I work out to be a 5mm wide actually - which is a huge amount of open mouth to have. I thought as more and more of her teeth grew the gap would get smaller - it didn't, if anything it got bigger.
Everyone who sees her would say how cute she was with her missing tooth, ''its not, its her gap'' I would have to inform them quickly. I think about people in the public eye with gaps, Madonna, Vanessa Paradis, Amy Winehouse - but there gaps are insignificant in comparison.
Part Time dad and his Jamaican lot say that in their country its believed to be a sign of Riches to come - hmmmmm well that clearly wasn't the case for PT Dad who count corned beef as a luxury meal.
I even took her to the dentist to see what he thought - he was quite optimistic, he thought I was overreacting (OK so asking for a 5 yr old to have veneers fitted is a bit much) but he was convinced that when her adult teeth come through the gap will close. He asked me bring her in for regular check ups - I reckon he is planning on retiring off the cost of those braces in 6 years time.
So I sit and wait for those sodding two front teeth to fall out, the right has been on wobble mode for about a month now. I wobble it, she wobbles it but it wont budge, every other tooth around the front two is popping out in a matter of days - when she smiles at the moment it looks like a chess board.
Yesterday when a non important lower molar fell out - a half heartedly shoved a pound under her pillow. But I told her that the tooth fairy sent me a text - saying that if she can get her front teeth out by Christmas she is in store for an extra special treat. Lets face it I need to know what those teeth are planning - in case I have to get saving!