Its 8 am, I'm getting ready for work, Summer is asleep. I trot downstairs ready to sneak out the door when I notice that Part time dad isnt on the couch. He isnt in my bed, he isnt in the loo. Hmmmmm
Call Part time dad who is probably at the shops quickly getting some milk. He better hurry up or I will miss my train, and we cant leave Summer in bed alone. He answers his phone: "where are you?"
"Bladclart,bumba,usain bolt,jerk chicken told you I wasnt able to have Summer today rastafari,rice n peas"
Well I did not know that
What about work, my big meeting today.! I cant stay home with her, I cant get her to someone else in time or I miss the meeting.
Phone a friend (Lauren from work)
"Bring her in" she laughs hystericaly "yeah it will be fine" she laughs again, Lauren remembers the last time Summer came into the office.
Call the boss, I have never heard him so scared. "Children in the office prevents revenue" he too remembers when Summer came into the office.
So its decided then, she's coming into work. Lord help us, each and everyone of us.
The train ride in is spent laying down rules. Be good, dont speak, dont grab boobies, dont look at the men's magazine, do tell me if you need the toilet. She nods, but I know she isnt listening, she is in London now! She has hit the big time. There are 200 staff members on the second floor waiting for her arrival. They're locking away valubles, hiding laptops and permenant markers, grown men cry openly at their desks. At first thankfully its uneventful, she is sat behind me on a bank of desks of new recruits who have never met her before. We keep her occupied with pritt stick, paper scissors and a pile of old magazines, then some genius gives her a tub of glitter. The brand directors desk she is sitting on looks like fairyies have had a rave up, there is glitter everywhere including his suit jacket, soon after, members of staff are walking round blissfully unaware that they have glitter in there hair,keyboards and orrifices.
Next is the big meeting, i cant take her so she is left in the hands of two collegues who are given strict instructions, only feed her fruit,no sweets, check for toilet breaks and if she runs out of glitter let her play star dolls on the computer. At some point during my meeting, there was trouble back at the ranch.
I came back to find her face down in a tub of haribo as my collegues told me they couldnt get stardolls to work. Summer on sweets before midday is like feeding a gremlin after dark.
Heres the result.
1- lunch with lauren from work resulted in Summer dancing erotically whilst suggestively licking a lettuce leaf
2- shouting mummy on repeat whilst I was trying to negotiate a deal.
3- watching rastamouse and screaming in patois
4-telling one director that another director wants to fight him
5- punching David hard in the nuts for kissing me on the cheek
6- telling my boss how Part Time dad fights her and is always at the pub
7-slapping people on the back of the head whilst they are on the phone
8- going for ciggerette breaks with the girls
9- demanding the man who"s last day it is contribute to his own collection
10- stealing from the collection
Iam tired, very tired, i would like to thank Hannah, Stef and Lauren for watching her and keeping her away from matches. I find out Monday if I still have a job!