This is the week that most working parents dread. The start of the Summer school holidays. Our options are limited. Either pay an extraordinary amount in childcare or find a free way of doing things. You can guess my choice. This takes a shit load of preparation that would make the SAS mission to assasinate Osama look like a walk in the park, my mission is especialy hard as due to Summer's 'spirited' nature family and friends arent exactly queing up to have her. My first port of call is Dad, who lives both by the sea and on a farm. You would think this choice of location would be because of his love of spending quality time with his grandkids. Not so.
Last time we came to visit, the sight of Summer coming up the pathway with her suitcase actually gave dad heart palpitations. Eveytime I have mentioned the Summer holidays his phone starts breaking up and we loose connection, despite him calling from a landline.
Part -time dads mum, cleverly still works full time but he has a sister who often helps when she can bare it, and that is the exetent of family we have responsible enough or with a strong enough heart to look after Summer. To make matters worse, I doubt there will be a holiday abroad this year either, which is somewhat of a blessing after she drowned twice in the pool last time.
So i am not looking forward to this Summer with Summer, who will be bored and when Summer is bored trouble happens. She will inevitably be looked after by part-time dad, which means a bucket of chicken for lunch and dancing round the living room to x rated hip hop music while he spins her through the air at terrifying speeds.I will get numerous calls asking how to cook foreign food objects and how to put Summer in the recovery position. He will take her to the park and not feel any remorse about loosing a shoe, a scooter or even her.
I will take a week off and do my share, this will involve spending huge amounts of money on trips to the circus, theme parks and seaside where i will try and leave Summer unsucessfuly with my dad. I will also do the obiglitory take your child to the office trip. The women will coo over her and the men will rightly keep there distance. Like last year she will giggle her pants off at copies of the lads mags and girl boobies whilst rob the girls mags of lip gloss and nail varnish.
After summer is my 30th and if I survive' i am going away for a final fling of freedom with my bestest. Something to look forward to.
In Summer news she has had another 'bump to the head' and another red slip to add to her collection.
Also the posh Per Una mums requested that the classes next year be split not by ability or the childrens needs, but by the parents social groups....words cannot express...