Welcome to the fun

Welcome to the fun
Christmas Joy

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Day 27 - A Jamaican in Bromley

It's 5pm, my office phone rings;
"Yo, wha me fi do with dis den?"
"Yo" back at ya, part time dad, obviously he has no time for pleasentaries, and still is yet to grasp the concept that I can not see through the phone and help him out with whatever 'dis' maybe without a gramatically correct description. 'How mi fi cook it?" He asks.
BZZZZZ! I press my imaginary game show Buzzer. 'It's food, the Jamaican wants to know how to cook a food item".
"What is it?" I ask part-time dad.
"Mi feel fi say a sasidge, but it 'ard' -
 yes, part- time dad has come across his first vegetarian sausage. There is a silence at the other end of the phone. I wait. ... 'How dem do dat then?"

I have a deadline to hit in 30 mins - there is no way i have time to explain a soya based product that is dyed and flavoured to taste like pig that is sold to people who dont eat pig to a 32 yr old man that ate his first slice of Pizza 4 years ago. Its not that he is ultra fussy, this is just a man who literally killed his own dinner for the first 15 yrs of his life. If it didnt come out of the ground or sea you didnt eat it. It turned out that he had already tried to cook it in all three ways, microwave,oven,hob. - I told him to boil it for shits and giggles and put the phone down.
This is the man that is raising my daughter...well he is cheaper than a polish nanny!
As you can tell Rastamouse and I are back on speaking terms. The cease fire ended last night at around 1 in the morning. He creeped into my room and sat at the end of my bed. I pretended to be asleep. Then he spoke to my supposedly sleeping body " mi tink you hotter now your hair is growing longer" ahhh how sweet I hear you say. This is nothing new ,he often says what he feels to me when I am asleep so as not to crack his hard black exterior. Sometimes, rarely I catch him out by pretending to be asleep. I often get a kiss , an I love you, the odd I'm sorry. When I was pregnant he woke me up/nearly killed me by feeding me Maltesers in my sleep. So last night when he told me that I am now more attractive to him with longer hair....i opened one eye and said..." And youre hotter when you have money in your pockets". He kissed his teeth and went off to watch Babestation.
In Summer news: she wet herself again at school and got another nurses red slip for "walking" into a tree. Both I fear were done on purpose. She also gave me a detail (read horrific) description of my mothers burial process and mocked me for crying at the funeral which was 2 1/2 yrs ago. All in all a great day.

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