I couldn't wait for lunch time today, I was soooo hungry my tummy was making those gurgling drain noises. I had it all planned out. Lunch from the work canteen and catch up on the weeks TV that I missed. My lunchtimes are my moments of bliss.
Everything was going to plan. The Mindy Project was on my computer ready to press play. My canteen fish and chips were steaming,smothered in tartar sauce and I couldn't have been happier.
And then I got the call.
''Its the school, Summers had an accident.....'' They never say that, they're supposed to say ''It;s the school don't worry Summers fine we just need to talk to you she's molested the caretaker....''
why wasn't she saying everything was fine?
''We've called an ambulance , she's had a fall and were quite concerned can you or someone get here as soon as possible''
This type of stuff doesn't happen to us, this was brand new territory. I have played these situations out in my mind before, I'd have done something like start crying and shaking, dramatically ran out of the office crying my baby my baby!!
what I actually did was ponder for a few seconds about whether I could finish my fish and chips. No lie. I actually thought about eating my lunch then heading off - I'd be useless in a crisis if I was hungry right?
I ended up stuffing the carton into my bag and eating it with my hands as I waited for the train to come and take me out of London.
I am clearly not right in the head.
The school called again
''the ambulance was there and an emergency response car, she'd passed out and they were having trouble keeping her awake, she'd been sick and wasn't talking''
It's then that panic really set in - the school were desperate for me to get there, I was still 40 mins away and I then realised how very alone Summer and I actually are, There's no family close by, no one who could have been with Summer until I got there. No one to hold my hand if things went wrong, my only comfort on the train was messaging with a friend in New York!
The call from school seemed so desperate - I thought maybe they weren't telling me the full picture.
I started thinking the worst, I spent all these years battling Summer, hiding from her, rolling my eyes at her, herbally sedating her. What if this was it, what would my life be without her in it - yeah sure I'd fantasised about it. But the reality of it was heart breaking.
I don't remember getting to the hospital - just that first moment I saw her. In a neck brace on a spinal board strapped down. I felt like I was going to faint!
As soon as she heard me she cried and the doctors were telling her not to move but she wanted to see me - I couldn't get close enough to see her so just rubbed her foot. Nurses and doctors were in the room cutting the sticky tap off her head, slowly realising her from the board.
''on three we roll her on to the left, 1...2....3..roll!'' doctors checked her spine and neck.
Summer was grey with sick down her top. Jesus.
The doctors did all sorts of tests and Summer was so brave answering their questions through the tears.
Then she farted.
And that was the moment I knew she would be fine.
When the doctors left the room to check the x-ray Summer was OK enough to turn and talk to me.
''If I tell you something , you promise to keep it a secret'' she said
''I had 13 puddings at lunch, the dinner lady said we could have extras because they'd only have to throw it away, so I was running up to grab number 14 when I fell''
You see, what had actually happened was Summer had embarked on a competitive pudding eating competition with some friends and she was in the lead by one pudding cup. She ran to the canteen for number 14 but slipped on some soggy chips and fell back wards smashing her head onto a table.
She was sick because she had eaten 13 pots of ice cream, which then made her tired - so whilst they were waiting for the ambulance she decided it was best to have a little nap, and was actually quite annoyed that the PE teacher kept slapping her about the chops to wake her up.
''They said I couldn't move mummy! so what else was I supposed to do - I was tired and full''
The school obviously took this a concussion.
I could have totally eaten my fish and chips and caught up on the Mindy Project.
My dad made the 2hr journey up and came to collect us from the hospital a few hours later after the all clear from the doctors.
I decided to go to the shops and buy some cake - my dad had asked me to pick him up some vodka , to settle his nerves he said (issues)
No sooner had I stepped into Waitrose and grabbed a bottle of Smirnoff did I bump into a teacher from Summers school.
The last she saw of my daughter was passed out on the hall floor in the recovery position and here her mother was a few hours later clutching a bottle of vodka. We then embarked on a polite conversation about how Summer was as she eyed the bottle and judged me.
Awkward doesn't even cover it
I should have stayed and had my fish and chips.