'' We were a bit concerned last week after Summer mentioned something about home''
I am sat in the parent liaison officers room at Summers school.....Again
I feel numb, I cant believe I am here . again after so long and so quickly into the school year. I left Summer nervously in the reception area, she's as white as a sheet.
We were called 48hrs ago to come in and 'discuss some issues' which they couldn't explain over the phone. Never a good sign, So I had 48hrs to grill Summer. Try and get some answers so I could prepare myself.
When I asked her on Wednesday she couldn't think what it could be - I wanted to tie her to a chair in a dark room with a spotlight beaming on her whilst I blew cigarette smoke in her face and showed her pictures of her toys - that she'd never see again unless she spoke.
I reeled off some possibilities
- Something you saw on the laptop?
- Something you saw in my bedside draw
- If I say the word Lube what does that mean to you?
- Something you did to the cat....hamster??
But nothing gave me even a glimmer of insight into what she had said at school. I went in unprepared.
Her teacher was with the Parent Liaison Officer - he looked really nervous, as if he'd been told all sorts of horror stories about me (Summers 'file' must be bigger than the Magna Carter).
''We were doing circle time - it's where we discuss our thoughts and feeling'' ohhhhh shit.
''we were discussing what made us sad and angry'' ohhhhhhh shit
''she said it makes her angry when... '' he looks so nervous - Jesus what has she said!!!
''well, you see, she said she gets upset that she has to sleep on the landing''
a deathly silence falls over the office.
and then I just burst uncontrollably into hysterics '' are you kidding me?????!!!!''
The teacher starts to giggle with me - he realizes this is silly , but he gets shot down by a searing look for the Parent Liaison Officer (stupid job title). Back to deathly silence.
''you don't believe her do you - you don't believe she has to sleep on the landing?''
I cant believe I have not slept in 48hrs because of this - I cant believe Summer has come up with this!
Then I remembered last week - the night before I went \away to Germany with the girls for a few days. The house was packed so I asked Summer to sleep on the sofa. She refused and threw a huge tantrum and set up camp on the landing - this is where the monsters cant reach her apparently. After an hour when she didn't get bored and give up I made her go downstairs to the sofa. She said she'd make me pay for this .... and she did.