Today was nice. On collecting Summer from school I was presented with a surprise!
She was all sweaty when I got there , so I recoiled when she gave me a kiss- it’s essentially her fault for demanding to wear Ugg boots -sorry Pugg boots (Primark brought) leopard print leggings and a long sleeve top on the hottest day of the year. We need to stop watching the only way is Essex.
Anyway...I am just heading out the classroom door when the after school club lady stops me. ‘’Oh yes, I need to give you this’’
Shit what is it, another medical slip, an exclusion letter, extra homework, social services letter....
‘’its a note home from her teacher’’ shit shit shitty shit. I skulk back to collect the note that will ruin my weekend.
But neh, yeah of little faith mummy, tis but a certificate of achievement ‘’Star of the Week’’ I have heard about these awards but thought them a fanciful piece of fiction, Summer bringing Mr Tumnus home for tea and cake was more likely .
On the back there is a hand written note from the teacher....to me... because I am her mother and I have born a star (see day 56 I told you so) Now I know how Mary felt – not my mate Mary,I mean Jesus n Mary.
I start to read...
‘’In PE yesterday...’’ oh PE , not Star of Math or English....PE, never mind a star is a star ,more people know Usain Bolt than some Mathalete anyway.
‘’Summer worked well in the group and chose to .....’’ I love the way her teachers always write ‘chose ‘ to because Summer will only take part and excel in something she has chosen to do.
‘’Chose to develop a sequence of movements to create a dance’’ errrr isn’t that what dance is ??
‘’She listened very carefully to the music that was playing and kept with the tempo and the rhythm’’ Hell, she is black what you expect woman.
‘’Her dance was magnificent’’ oh do calm down dear
‘’...and told the story of a conkers experience during Autumn’’ ......ohhhh kaaayyyy then, someone picked up the hash cake at the bake sale today.
What does a conker experience during Autumn? It sprouts, grows out of its shell, drops to the ground and then kids use it as weapons. Shit she would have to be talented to dance that scene.
When we get home I ask her to perform this MAGNIFICENT dance. She willingly agrees. She wants me to get involved, Stand like a tree, this I can do. I stand arms out like a tree, she stands underneath my armpit, dramatically drops to the ground in a ball. Then rolls around the floor ( a little bit too proactively if you ask me)
And now as promised many moons ago (thinking that I would never have to) I am grudgingly obliged to buy her a present as she won Star of the Week, for her ability to sexualise a conker.
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