Summer today wont go anywhere upstairs unless she has her pink umbrella open. She is going to the toilet sat underneath a brolly.
It all started this morning during our typical school rush. We were just about on track to get out the door when I remembered I left my glasses upstairs. Being too lazy to climb the 13 steps (you dont get the curves of ten Kardashians by walking up stairs willy nilly) i turned it into a game for Summer. "See how fast you can run upstairs and find mums glasses - i'll time you!"
After counting to 134 i realised this may have been a mistake. I relented and climb 4 steps (caught my breath) then shouted up to see what was wrong.
"Mum come here" a scared little voice replied
Looking at the remaining 9 steps I said "no come here, quick now or we will be late"
"No she cried "theres spiders!"
Summer has a thing about spiders, after part time dad, Spider was her first word, a spider was the first thing she drew. But I thought we got over the fear when I brought her Charlottes Web dvd and she cried her eyes out for 2 days solid.
Now she is shaking as she points to 2 spiders on the ceiling above the stairs which are either fucking or one is eating the other. Its a bit like watching a nothern couple pissed up on a night out in leeds city center . I beg, i plead...please just come, its fine, its Charlotte, please ... All from the comfort of my 4th step.
But no she shall not be moved, for surely the spiders will choose to jump down on her the moment she walks beneath them, will wrap her in a web and suck out her insides leaving her as just a shell of coco colured skin.
My pleading turns to shouting, pointing and threats "dont make me come up those stairs"! The pair of us make quite some racket screaming at eachother at 7:50 on a wednesday morning. Suddenly enters Rastamouse (part-time dad) who is severly pissed that this noise has woken him up from his beauty sleep (on the couch),he barges in wearing an incredibly tight pair of tropical themed boxers (with added morning glory) runs upstairs picks Summer up and puts her on the front door step. He mumbles something at me in Patois adjusts his crotch and goes back to the couch. Summer is as stunned as I am, not because he managed to defuse the situation, not because of his coca cabana shrink fit undies but because neither of us have ever seen him awake at this time of day before.
If Summer doesnt wake up in the morning tomorrow, i'm gonna tell her theres a spider on the ceiling. I can always get her therapy when she's older.
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